Lost
by bblkj
Summary: What can you give to a man who has everything? Draco Malfoy was lost.


_**Disclaimer: Similar beginning to my Zexion 'Darkness' fic- Completely different story**_

He shouldn't be like this.

_But he was._

He shouldn't have been brought up like he was.

_But he had._

He shouldn't have been encouraged, even _forced _to inflict pain and suffering upon other people.

_But he had._

He shouldn't have had to grow up in a loveless family where no one truly cared about him; he was no son of theirs, only their heir.

_But he had._

He shouldn't have been taught to hide his emotions away, never to be revealed to anyone, should they make him appear weak.

_But he was._

And most of all, he shouldn't have had to get that stupid black mark branded into himself, for the sake of his family's honour, or even their lives.

_But what could he do about it?_

Draco Malfoy was a man of many problems, who was forced to grow up well before his age. He was a man of conflicting emotions, of troubled thoughts, of long-suffered pain. But if there was one thing that Malfoys did _not _do, it was _show it_.

He had everything. He had wealth, his family name demanded respect, his mere presence emanated power, and he was good-looking too, to top it all off. With platinum blonde hair that was so white it almost appeared to glow, the lean physique of a Seeker, a pale complexion and sharp, angled aristocratic features to his face, Draco Malfoy was the envy of all around him.

But what would he ask for, if he could have absolutely _anything? _What could you possibly give a man who has _everything_?

Freedom. That's what he wanted. The freedom to do as he wished, to speak without punishment, to live his life how he pleased, to be _himself._ But we don't always get what we want, and hoping only leaves you disappointed.

More than anything, though, Draco Malfoy was _lost._

He didn't know what he was doing. His life the last few months were a blur – Dragging himself out of bed, skipping all meals, barely sleeping – and the only thing he could focus on was _the task. _He spent every waking minute he could repairing the Vanishing Cabinet. It was the only thing he _could_ do. Not only was it to ensure his and his family got out of this ordeal alive, but it was the only thing that he _knew _he had to do.

Or suffer the consequences.

And then _she _came.

When she had first accidently walked into him while passing along an empty corridor, she had noticed the signs of bad rest, stress and fatigue straight away. Naturally, the Gryffindor princess – being the compassionate and nosy bookworm she was – was concerned and immediately rounded on him, asking why he looked like Weasley before the OWLs; even for an enemy like Malfoy.

He was just too tired to play games. He couldn't even manage a sarcastic comment or smirk. All he could do was stare at her with sunken, desolate eyes that were a heartbreakingly beautiful shade of grey, dulled to the point of lifelessness. She saw it in his eyes – the pain, the stress, the insanity – and what did she do?

_She threw her arms around him and gave him a comforting hug._

_His first hug._

A condolence hug, a sorry hug, an understanding hug. And he hugged her back.

"_Malfoy...why are you like this?"_

"_Like what?"_

"_...Separated. Isolated. Like you have built a huge wall around yourself so that no one can see you, or get close to you?"_

"_Has it ever occurred to you, Granger, that I don't want people to see what I am? Who I am? ...What I've become?"_

"_But why would you do that?"_

"_Because I'm a monster. People shouldn't have to suffer being around someone like me. Someone who will ruin their lives, spoil their purity and innocence with blood and sin."_

"_You can't be as bad a person as you say, if you truly worry about others. If you know whatever you are doing is wrong."_

"_But I'm still doing it. And I have a more selfish reason for putting up walls around myself...I'm afraid."_

"_Afraid? You?"_

"_Everyone is afraid of something, Granger."_

"_And what are you afraid of?"_

"_I...am not used to sharing things. Not physical possessions, not thoughts or feelings, not anything really. I am afraid that if I leave myself unprotected and open...vulnerable...I will get hurt."_

"_You are afraid...of people? Of what they can do to you?"_

"_Man is the most feared thing on this planet. Because we destroy all that's good and pure in the world out of greed and ignorance."_

"_I never expected that to be your fear. I would've thought you had experienced so many bad things in your life that you fear would be more...I mean, in your current state, people would assume you had joined the Death Eaters and are stressed out about some mission Voldemort had given you or something like that..."_

_Draco's eyes widened and focused immediately._

"What_?"_

"_I was just trying to...wait, you mean what I said was _true_?"_

"_More or less."_

_Hermione closed her eyes, obviously deep in thought, biting her bottom lip. Then suddenly her eyes snapped open and she turned to him, her liquid chocolate eyes burning with a passion._

"_I'm going to help you."_

_Draco scoffed. What had he been thinking, telling her? _

_Oh right, he wasn't. _

_But he had been sick, lonely and frustrated...and extremely vulnerable._

"_You can't help me. No one can."_

"_Stop it." _

_Hermione was glaring at him now, all warmth gone from her eyes._

"_Stop what?"_

"_This whole 'self-pity' thing. Just stop. It's not you, Malfoy."_

"_Me? You don't know me. No one on this planet knows me."_

"_Well, we're not very close, but from my observations of you, you are above self-pity. I mean, you are Draco Malfoy, for Merlin's sake! You don't take shit from anyone – and now is not a good time to start. So shut up and let me help you."_

"_And just how do you plan on doing that? Help me fix the Vanishing Cabinet?"_

"_First, I need to understand exactly what your mission is."_

"_I can't. Unbreakable Vow. No one but the Death Eaters that the Dark Lord himself told knows."_

"_Well then...I'll just have to trust you on this one."_

_Draco looked at her, shocked. She _trusted _him? After all he had done to her? She barely even knew him! And he was a Death Eater! This girl was supposed to be the cleverest witch of the age!_

"_You are a fool."_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_You're a fool, Granger. For all you know, this could've been a trap, and you just offered to help someone you _know_ is a Death Eater."_

"_If I was in any danger, you would've done something by now. And anyway...I can see it. In you. The genuine, honest pain you hold within yourself. So I trust you, because you are not a bad person, Draco."_

_She had called him Draco. He suddenly felt rather hot and flushed._

"_What's wrong? You're going all red..."_

"_It's nothing. Look Granger...I'm really thankful. You know – for everything. Everything. But I can't allow you to help me. This is my problem, and I will face it alone."_

"_Don't be stupid. You can't do this on your own – at least without going mad. I'll help you. If I can help...I will. Because that's the right thing to do."_

_Draco admired her strength, her determination, her kindness and thoughtfulness. Such Gryffindor associated traits._

"_Ok..." he said slowly, drawling slightly before smirking._

"_What? Merlin Malfoy, this isn't just some great joke is it? Because it is, I will hex your arse to –"_

"_You said 'my observations of you.' You've been watching me."_

_Now it was Hermione's turn to flush._

"_Shut up Malfoy, or I'll leave you to the mercy of Voldemort."_

"_You wouldn't...your Gryffindor goodness wouldn't allow it."_

"_Hell and damnation! Is it too late to transfer to Slytherin?"_

She was the light at the end of his dark, seemingly endless tunnel. She was his guardian angel, his saviour. He opened up to her, and she understood. She accepted all of his many faults, all his sins, and she washed them away. She cleansed him of who he was. Who he never wanted to be.

Although the Vow prevented her from helping him directly, she gave him courage and hope; and it was probably worth more than he could ever say.

He shouldn't have dragged her into his miserable excuse for a life. He didn't deserve her.

_But he had her._


End file.
